My kid the Escape artist

Today is Kolby's 22nd birthday, so it's only right that I write some about him... come back with me... (insert eerie flashback music and affects here)

Time; 20 yrs ago, Place; Satan's Bellybutton, the biggest, hottest city in Arizona...Phoenix. Birthplace of one Kolby Carver. (birthplace of one Kelsie Carver too, but this ain't her story).

Kolby could do NO wrong in his Mama's eyes the kid was perfect in every way. He was extraordinarily beautiful, he was smart, he was an ANGEL! He was also the busiest little punk on the planet!! The first time this busyness became truly alarming was after Kolby got his "big boy bed". It never occurred to me that although his crib was a "little boy bed", it was also a highly effective CAGE!

One afternoon I put him down for a nap and sat down to watch one of the 3 soap operas I was addicted to at the time, and fold some laundry. I was just about to find out if Timothy was married to the twin sister he was separated from in infancy on "As the Stomach Turns" when there was a knock on my door. It was the neighbor across the courtyard from us coming for a visit evidently. She was holding the hand of an absolutely DARLING little boy. I answered the door with a smile and she says promptly "Is this your baby?". Well, I give the kid a sideways courtesy glance, but of course it's not my baby. MY baby is asleep in his room. Now her kid is hugging my leg...friendly little guy. I look kindly down at him. HOLY CRAP!! This IS my kid!!

Turns out the little monkey started building himself an architecturally sound ladder under his window as soon as I closed his door for nap time. He got high enough, opened said window, climbed OUT of it, hung down from the sill, and DROPPED a good 4 feet to the ground. Now mind you this is a 2 year old who is barely forming complete sentences. Thank GOODNESS we lived in a ground floor apartment!! Thank goodness also that this neighbor happened by and SAW the great escape, who KNOWS what could have happened! After that I went out and bought a window lock so he would NOT be pulling that stunt again. How terrifying (not to mention embarrassing).

Very shortly after this little incident I began to leave his father in charge in the evenings because I had to work. He was aware of the window debacle and rolled his eyes as I told him again to keep a wary eye on this little boy. So I went off to work that evening thinking everything was under control. Uh huh...

When I got home late that night I found my husband waiting up for me and looking rather sheepish. Turns out that shortly after I left, he (the husband) fell asleep on the couch. Kolby's window was locked, but guess what!? The door wasn't! Monte wakes up to a knock similar to the one I had heard a few days previous. But it's not a concerned neighbor lady for him...nope. It's the cops. "Sir, is this your baby?" Kolby had opened the door, squeezed through, and closed it quietly so as not to awaken his daddy. Such a thoughtful little dude. I guess another neighbor (obviously not the one who knew where he belonged) called the police with a lost & found baby case.

Needless to say I was UBER irked with my husband for sleeping on the job, but from then on that little maggot was escaping every chance he got. I could not leave the room...EVER!!

My husband thought he'd vindicate himself one night and brought home 100 yards of nylon rope. You guessed it, his plan was to tether my child. He tied one end to the leg of the couch, and the other end around Kolby's waist. I was MORTIFIED!! What in the heck would the neighbors think?!? I went into the kitchen barking mad and Monte followed me to try and defend his idea. I came back out with plates...and Kolb was gone. I went and picked up the rope on the floor and began to reel in my son. Hmmm, not such a bad idea after all!