Intro to Me

Well, I thought I'd jump on the bandwagon and try my hand at blogging. I have a "Facebook" page that I am ridiculously loyal to...I mean I am on that thing ALL the time! But I don't feel like I can completely express myself on there. My friends wouldn't understand all the random crap that runs through my middle aged yet child-like brain.

This is mostly for myself. I like to write... and when I'm sad, writing my feelings down is usually the only way I can move on. In fact I'll be sharing some things that I've already written upon my "MySpace" page (did I fail to mention I have a MySpace? I'm NOT freakishly loyal to it. In fact I rarely visit it anymore).

Brief synopsis, I'm the 43 year old mother of five exceptional children. Ages 21, 18, 15, 13, and 8. Three boys and two girls. These little people (to me they will always be little) are my life. They're my reason for living and my extreme joy. True, there have been times of great frustration and heartbreak, but thru it all I am so very blessed to have been trusted with these amazing spirits. I'm so proud of them!

I've been married to the same man for almost 23 years, I guess in this day and age that is something to brag of. He is a good man, a good dad, and a good provider. He's allowed me to be able to stay home with my little ones for most of these 23 years.

I'm goofy to the core, I enjoy teasing and having fun. I don't take myself too seriously...EVER. My kids all have wonderful senses of humor and I attribute this (hopefully) to their mama playing with them and being silly all their lives.

I have NO idea how often I'll be on here or how much I'll contribute to it. We'll just have to see, I'm curious myself.

I'm a sucker for a Rainbow

If I could catch a rainbow
I would do it just for you
and share with you its beauty
On the days you’re feeling blue.



If I could build a mountain
You could call your very own;
A place to find serenity,
A place to be alone.


..


If I could take your troubles
I would toss them in the sea,
But all these things I’m finding
are impossible for me.
I cannot build a mountain
Or catch a rainbow fair,
But let me be what I know best,
A friend who’s always there.

Thursday, February 07, 2008 (The day Kolby left me)

19 years and this is where it is?
No "thank you" no hug good-bye.
Having a great time with him this morning
only to be blind-sided by him tonight.
What did I do? What didn't I do?
I remember yesterday when he was a baby.
He was the most perfect of all God's creations.
Big beautiful brown eyes that looked to me for guidance.
They looked to me for everything.
When they filled with tears I could kiss or tickle them away.
Now my blue eyes are filled with tears.
Where's my kiss?
Did someone tell me that being a mom could hurt this bad?
If they did, I surely would have remembered.
How did this person that he's known for a few years,
become more of an influence than the person who has adored him his whole life?
It doesn't seem fair.
What should I have done?
What shouldn't I have done?
All of a sudden nothing else matters.
The problems that are always floating through my head.
My brown eyed baby left me.
My heart is in pieces.
How do I tell his baby sister that her hero is gone?
He didn't care to tell her good bye either.
I guess I concentrate on my other four babies.
But now I'll be uncertain.
Second guessing myself.
What should I do? What shouldn't I do?

If I Love You

If I love you then there are ten things you need to know about me.

1. Don't tell me not to worry about you cuz' this is what I do. You may as well tell my heart not to beat.

2. Bill Clinton said it but I mean it...I feel your pain. I have the gift of discerning when you're hurting and I am hugely empathetic. Again, something I can't help.

3. I will defend you fiercely with all that is in me. I will go Mama Bear on the butt of anyone who tries to hurt you while I'm around.

4. I will believe anything you tell me. Even when you lie to me. If I find out you lied to me it will hurt me deeply...but I will still love you.

5. I will stand up for you if I hear someone put you down. I will probably end up insulting them in the process.

6. Nothing makes me happier than a hug from you.

7. I will think about you AT LEAST once a day, probably more.

8. I will pray for you each night. Again, not negotiable, don't even try to ask me not to.

9. Anything you want to tell me will stay between us.

and finally...

10. Your heart is safe with me. I'll do all in my power to make you happy.

All I ask in return is that you remember that my heart is tender too.